The WORST F Word

I know what you are thinking, it’s a four letter word, it starts with a CAPITAL F and it would appear that the lady doesn’t like it … it can only be … F*&!

You may be surprised to learn that my least favorite F word, is … FINE.

To me, it’s a lazy man’s word – one when you just.don’ enough to give any energy to choosing a better descriptor.

That said, as I was settling in to write this week’s blog, I decided to look it up, (this is after all an official blog, and should be taken quite seriously!) Suffice it to say, that Merriam Webster blew my mind:




superior in kind, quality, or appearance excellent

  • fine job
  • a fine day
  • fine wines

It makes sense as I read it here, but never (I repeat, NEVER) sounds this way when my husband uses it in any sentence.

”How was your day?” “Fine.”  

“How was your lunch?” “Fine.”

“How’s your knee?” “Fine.”

NONE of those “fines” feel “superior in kind” or “excellent” in any way.

They in fact, feel inconsequential. It’s like a “non-adjective.” In its place you might as well say “Look, I don’t care enough about the topic to have a discussion about it, so let’s just leave it at fine.” OR “It wasn’t great, and it wasn’t horrible – let’s just call it plain mediocre.”

What do I want to hear?
“It was epic! It was a disaster! It is better today than yesterday”
… give me something to go on here, please.

To ME, “fine” feels like a blow-off. And no one likes a blow-off, amiright?

I mean, there is even a phrase in which the word JUST lives before fine.  “Just fine” means “just okay” which again, I argue, is a far cry from excellent.

Disclaimer:  Unless of course, fine is used in the context of “Damn, Girl! You look FINE!” Which obviously is not mediocre, or the lease bit unimaginative.  In this case, you can use “the F Word” all you like!

So, while I am quite a fan of the “OTHER F word” – (shameless plug here for a swearing blog that is forthcoming), this is one F-bomb I could do without.

Who’s with me, people? Let’s get more creative & robust when choosing our adjectives.  The world will be a much better place, and that would be MORE THAN FINE, by me.
You Heard the Lady,



The Carefree Whimsy of a Happy Clam

My friend Terry ( gifted me a box of “Affirmators At Work – 50 Affirmation Cards to Help You Help Yourself – without the Self-Helpy-Ness!”   

And Ironic – as if there are ever any coincidences – that today I pulled this card:  happy clam

It comes at a time when I have been challenged to indeed choose my battles, and when it would be easy to pile on and join in on the “Oh, and another thing…” game.

It is ironic, too, in that last week I sat on a panel of peers, where we were answering “rapid fire” random questions to help the audience learn a bit more about us. One question asked was: What Causes You Misery?”  My answer, after of course, “BEING LATE!” was Getting stuck in a constant state of complaining.  I have tried to live by this with my children, and in our family, that when you have something upsetting to get off your chest, by all means, GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST! This is a safe place, and you need to dump it.  HOWEVER, you get to do that ONE TIME. IF you are going to bring up the same conversation/issue/challenge/complaint after that initial “dump” then you best be bringing it up in hopes of finding a solution.”

It has evidently hit a nerve with some that I work with as several conversations this week have started with “I know you don’t like when we complain” or “I know you are tired of all of the bitching …”

Which made me feel that my point wasn’t quite understood the way I meant it, or that I simply didn’t communicate it well. So, here it is with a bit more detail:

I don’t mind hearing complaints. I want people to feel safe with me, and that they can share their thoughts/concerns, etc. And in fact, I quite like being able to help people when they are ready to move on from their challenge, and find a way back to the light … I do NOT, however, enjoy hearing it time and time again from someone (anyone!) who just wants to complain and doesn’t want to move out of that space. I do not also want to spend endless amounts of time talking about the “little stuff”, or the “oh and another thing” which waters down the bigger stuff. 

We all have battles to fight, and usually some pretty important ones.  And, if you personally aren’t going through something dreadful at the moment, I bet you know someone who is.  It is because of that “respect for the BIG STUFF”,  that I don’t love nit-picking, or actively looking for things that are unpleasant. I am – go ahead, call me Pollyana, I’m used to it – looking for the silver lining. I am in general, a positive person. And I believe with all of my heart that “Thoughts Become Things”, “What You Think About, You Bring About”, and that “Your Word Is Your Wand.”

Don’t get me wrong – I’ll fight the battle! I’ll get in there and bitch with the best of them. I just like to save my bitter, jaded misanthropic vitriol for the stuff that really earns it.  I guess I could have spared you this entire blog, and just posted a picture of the AFFIRMATOR Card. Ah, but what fun would that be?

You Heard the Lady,

p.s. By all means, if you ever catch me being contrary to my word, I would hope you would call me on it. In fact, I’d expect nothing less.

I Wish I Would Have Known. (a.k.a. I Wish I Would Have Listened)

wish i'd known

First, that’s not me in the photo.  I have not grown a beard, and I do not own a red flannel shirt. I have also no idea how to change my tire. And I don’t want to learn. (Sorry, Timmy!)  I just really (REALLY) liked the sentiment.  And so, a blog post topic was born.

When my son was in high school, he was given an assignment to “teach” the class how to do something.  I gave him the suggestion to teach them how to balance a checkbook. Brilliant, right?  His teacher did not agree.  In fact, she sent him back to find a new topic as she was sure that “everyone” knew how to do that, already.  Hmmm, I do not agree.
While balancing my checkbook is still something I do on the regular – on the 6th when my statement is released, to be exact – it did not make it onto my list.  In fact, I am sure I will think of many other things, just after I publish this blog.

10 THINGS I WISH I WOULD HAVE KNOWN, in no particular order. Otherwise known as: 10 Things That Have Cost Me Sleep – OR – Just Because They Are On My List Doesn’t Mean I’ve Mastered Them, Yet – OR – Yes, Yes, I Know You Tried To Tell Me, But I Wasn’t Ready Back Then…

  1. At some point in my thirties, I read that if you start saving/investing $100 per month when you are twenty, you will have $1Million saved by the time you reach retirement age.  To be fair, at twenty I didn’t have $100 a month to put away.  But come to think of it somehow I got that pair of pink Reebok HighTops, which, had I chose to save that money instead, might today be growing into a nice post-retirement vacation.  Which leads me to:
  2. If it’s important enough you find a way.  If not, you find an excuse.  Excuses are B.S.  Things are usually the way they are because of some choice – or a series of choices – you have made.  Don’t complain about the way things are, or resolve to the cop out “it is what it is”… Is it important enough? Then find a way.
  3. You will, in fact, at some point become interested in History. And Math.
  4. Marriage is HARD. There is nothing to prepare you for the days – and sometimes stretches of days – that you will simply not like your partner.  And he/she will not like you.  It will be hard work. You will question your decision. But in the end, if you choose wisely,
  5. Doctors are people too. They are uber-educated, and experts in their field (hopefully) but at the end of the day, they are human too, and not infallible. You know your body better than anyone. Do your homework, and trust your gut without jumping to the first medication, procedure or surgery that they recommend.
  6. Stop yourself the first month you cannot pay your credit card bill in full.  Just stop. It is not worth the stress you will cause yourself in trying to catch up, and then having to say NO to other things that come up.
  7. Be present. Slow down. Listen. Pay Attention.  You will regret rushing your grandma off the phone that day … 
  8. Learn About Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages. (And The 5 Love Languages for Children)  Make sure those closest to you FEEL loved. KNOW they are loved in their own way, not just yours. 
  9. Get control of your body image issues. Dealing with/fighting with those issues over a lifetime is a horrible example to your children, who will likely deal with/fight with those issues for their lifetime.
  10. Work hard to not pass judgement on anyone, for anything.  In short, it seems that whatever things I may have passed judgement on in my lifetime, have shown up at my own door, in some form, at some point. That’s a tough way to learn this lesson, let me tell you. Gulp.

I could keep going, but for goodness sakes, aren’t you bored yet?  In all candor, I hope that I have a long runway in which to keep learning, and sharing more lessons with my offspring. And of course, you lucky readers.

You Heard the Lady,

The Top 5 Things I Hate to Spend Money on (and Their Partners: The Non-Negotiables!)

The Top 5 Things I Hate to Spend Money on: (in no particular order)

  1. Airfare – I am simply always afraid I’m paying too much.  Used to be you’d book early for the best deals, now there are great last minute fares at times. Are Tuesdays better? What if the seats sell out?  Used to also make sense to always do round trip, same carrier. Recently however, I have been finding one ways on different carriers are the way to go. ARGH. I give this one way too much thought. And then some.anxiety | The Mindset Effect
  2.  Hotels.  Oh, for Pete’s sake – I’m only in there to sleep and shower. I want to stay in a nice place, I just don’t want to pay the equivalent of my monthly mortgage to the hotel purveyors of the world. I check out all the sites, and don’t book. Then I come back and reinvestigate, and still don’t book. Then I decide I absolutely MUST get it done, so I pass it to my husband.(I am having a realization here:  Could it be that because I have built my 25+ year career in Direct Sales, and have been awarded and rewarded with some amazing trips to amazing places that the mere idea of having to PAY for airfare or hotels insults me? I think that must be it!)
  3. Kleenex. Is this a scam or what? It’s toilet paper in a box, people. NEVER understood Kleenex.  If your nose is running, grab a square of TP and get on with it. Napkins and paper towels suffice in a pinch, as well, but so long as we are not short on toilet paper, we are good to go in the nose department. Writers note: as I have been longsuffering this week with a nasty summer cold, my tender nose might object to this opinion.
  4. Cars – This one is an oxymoron.  I enjoy driving a nice car. I get a new one every few years. In fact, almost everyone who knows me loves to pick on me about this. (Except for the car dealers – they love me.)   So, I am always afraid of spending too much for a car, depreciation, warranties, and the like … Although one could argue that I obviously don’t hate it that much, or I wouldn’t do it so often. (I’m seeing a pattern here – in my early days of Direct Sales I earned 7 free cars in 14 years – do you see it? I’ve been SPOILED, and simply got used to getting new cars on the regular.  See honey, it’s not at all my fault!)
  5. Cards given along with gifts.  Allow me to explain. I love to SEND cards. Thank you notes, birthday cards, YOU ROCK, thinking of you – there really is no stationary budget big enough for the cards I like to mail out each month. HOWEVER, cards that are attached to a gift, well those are not dollars I like to spend.  Whats the rationale here? Let’s unpack this one.  I guess I love the element of my recipient getting something in the mail, unexpected, that is frankly not a bill.  So, it shows up, they get to open it, read it and hopefully enjoy it in a quiet moment.  But adding a greeting card as an accoutrement to the gift, I simply object.  I love the holidays when I can use a gift tag.  Most appropriate! To: and From:  the gift is the gift!  (PLUS I think that a greeting card, with sentiments is something that can be appreciated more when you are alone, than when you have an audience.)  I have however recently taken a liking to funny greeting cards though.  If it makes me laugh in the aisle, I’m likely to snag it – even if it is ultimately going to go with a gift.  Wow, I never really understood how passionate I am about this topic.

So now that I have outlined the things I simply hate to spend money on, here are my Top 5 Non-Negotiables.  Read:  Don’t even bother looking at the price, THIS is one thing you are NOT skimping on. 

  1. Toilet Paper – I am pretty sure we all learn this at a very young age.  Scratchy, thin, sandpaper toilet paper should be outlawed.  Just why? (AND because you are using it as Kleenex, obviously!)
  2.  Soap & Laundry Soap; It’s all about the scent and the bubbles. I want to SMELL the clean. When it smells clean, it must be clean. And not too perfume-y – just clean.  Tide with Downy. And the new NEST fragrance limited edition Laundry soap in LINEN is amazing. Expensive, but amazing. An indulgence I wholly support.
  3.  Tape – packing tape specifically. Little frustrates me more than when the tape gets all messed up in the dispenser, or is flimsy, sticks to itself and tears unevenly. UGH. I will invest in a nice heavy duty scotch packing tape and dispenser every time just to avoid that dance.
  4.  Cake.  A good bakery cake is a must.  In fact, CAKE was the genesis of this blog topic, come to think of it. When my cousin was getting married, I took my aunt to pick up the cake for the bridal shower. I remember commenting (aghast!) at how much the cake was.  I also remember my aunt saying these words:  “There are the things you don’t mind skimping on so that you can indulge on the important things. Like this cake.”  That blew my mind. Of course! I’ll have the loveliest of cakes for my children’s wedding showers as well. Because I don’t buy Kleenex.
  5.  Sheets/Bedding. My bed is literally my favorite space (and I look forward to when I can get in it every day!)  So feeling a little bit luxurious here is THE BEST feeling. Love the soft sheets, the fluffy comforter and lots of pillows of just the right loft and fill.  Ahhhhh. Yes, please.

Bonus choice (Because I couldn’t stop at 5)…

*Skincare – This is a tough one. I have worked for a few skin care companies. I have tried many skincare products.  AS LONG AS I can see a demonstrable difference with the use, I don’t mind spending the money on it. However, spending money on “higher end” lines, when you can’t SEE any improvement – no thank you.  Kara Vita, GlycolX cream is a game changer. India Hicks Uber Mist & Polish … I’m a big fan. (And it just so happens I know where you can get some!)

So there you have it. Am I alone in this? Are there things you hate spending money on? What are your non-negotiables? I’d love to know!

You Heard the Lady,






I’m Sorry, I Just Don’t Understand…

Let me start with a disclaimer that says:

I am quite sure I will get a backlash on this one. 

(That’s okay, I’m used to it.)

But I’m being 100% serious with my question. It has NOTHING to do with being a fan, or not being a fan.  Nothing to do with whether or not you are excited about a WIN. It IS however, a legitimate question. One that has kept me bemused on a number of occasions, for years.

Last night, after our family softball team had it’s FIRST WIN OF THE SEASON (sorry, I digress!), the Chicago Cubs also put up a “W”, and a conversation ensued that  brought this question to the forefront for a blog post this morning.

“Why in the World, Do the Cubs Choose to Play THAT Song, After a Win?”

Have a look at the lyrics, lest you be unfamiliar of the catchy tune “Go Cubs Go” by Steve Goodman:

“[Verse 1]
Baseball season’s underway
Well, you’d better get ready for a brand new day
Hey, Chicago, what do you say?
The Cubs are gonna win today

They’re singing
Go, Cubs, Go!
Go, Cubs Go!
Hey, Chicago, what do you say?
The Cubs are gonna win today”

I don’t need to go any further with the remaining verses, as they are irrelevant to my point.  That being:  IF you are hearing this song, it means THE CUBS JUST WON.

So praytell, WHY are we playing/singing a song that says the Cubs ARE GONNA Win today, when the Cubs have already won today?  (Note: The ONLY instance this makes sense in my mind is if it were a double-header. Then go ahead and play it after game 1 – before game 2, makes total sense.  Otherwise, I simply do not understand. )

Question Mark Images - ClipArt Best

Now, before you jump all over me (as has happened more times than I can recount in regards to this commentary), let me explain that I love baseball. I love Chicago.  I have been to games at “both” parks, I have cheered for “both” teams, and my loyalty lies with the game and the people I am with while enjoying games. But the argument that I constantly hear is that “I just wouldn’t understand, as I’m obviously not a die-hard Cubs fan!”  Which also makes zero sense, because I would suspect that somewhere/sometime a die hard Cubs fan would have also have had to be a classic overthinker like myself, and pondered the same imponderable.  However, I have remained – for years – steadfast in my positioning and have raised the question again and again.  Along with a resolution to this glaring misappropriation.  Why not simply move this song to BEFORE the Cubs play, and then another VICTORY song after they win. OR – change the lyrics to reflect the victory.  As in “The Cubs JUST WON today!”  

Steve Goodman's "Go Cubs Go" is a song of hope
Without question EVERY SINGLE Cubs fan I have asked has defended this (questionable) song choice/placement and simply would.not.budge. and admit that maybe the placement/timing just might be a miss. Until last night. My friend, and adopted nephew SJ (with a stress on the S) said he could see my point.


He didn’t seem to feel this betrayed his allegiance to the Cubs. He didn’t feel the need to defend the song, or the placement.  He felt my point was valid. And for the first time that I can remember, I have been given a nod on this ever-so-important topic, by an intelligent, thoughtful and rational Cubs Fan.

Gosh, I love that SJ. And, baseball.

And now, for PROPER placement, as in BEFORE the Cubs play the Cardinals today, let’s cheer them on for a “W” with our favorite song:

You Heard The Lady,

Like ANY of This Will Have ANY Effect

Things I cannot stand on FaceBook (Or as my dad calls it, SpaceLook…)

The massive amounts of incorrect grammar. (But if you follow my blog, you already knew that, didn’t you?)

Political Posts trying to change someone’s mind. Really?  I get it. Free speech. Speak your mind. But to those of you who simply cannot keep quiet, and feel the need to respond, argue, plead your case, name call, etc?  I ask you, WHY?  (That is what Messenger is for).  🙂


Boudiour shots – No. Just no. They are not for public consumption, amiright?

Pictures YOU have taken of someone out and about with the intent of making fun of them.

Nice shorts!” “Who thinks this looks good?”  “What was she thinking?” Not cool peeps.  Not cool. You will all probably find it very hard to believe that somewhere, sometime I am 100% confident I have been captured in a less than flattering pose, situation or dance move.  I literally warn every person I sit next to on a plane that I WILL fall asleep, and I WILL wake myself up with a snore. I also WILL hunt them down and seek undying revenge should any video depiction of said event show up on social media.   Anyway, I’ll call it what it is: INTERNET BULLYING. The stuff that junior high nightmares are made of.  And you wouldn’t like it if it happened to you. (WOW, she just got all high and mighty on us didn’t she??)

soap box pics

Before & after pics.  Again. Nobody wants to see it. The body pics, just no.  (See Boudoir Pics comment, above.)

But for some reason the ones that irk me are for mascara.  Here’s why:  The one on the left was taken last year, when I had the flu, was deyhydrated and hadn’t slept for 6 nights. The one on the right, I’m fresh, showered, just had a facial, used some cucumber eye patches, and applied 13 layers of ANY mascara.  Come on.
I joke, but here’s the real issue. The “before” picture always is with NO mascara. You simply cannot see how one mascara is better than others when it is compared to a picture with NO MASCARA.  Please, show us mascara A with 13 coats, and mascara B with 13 coats. AND I WANT TO SEE YOU APPLY IT AS PROOF IN THE VIDEO.  (My discerning eye will catch any slight of hand tricks or shenanigans, so don’t even try.) Then, I’ll be able to see why B is the ULTIMATE mascara. Until then, I’m not buying any of it.

(NOTE: I can’t very well add a picture here as support, lest you accuse me of making fun of someone as in my soapbox comment above, now could I??) 

Injuries. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT. ANY of that. And what is the point? Do you think that people are at home thinking … hmmm, it’s too bad Brian had brain surgery, I sure wonder what those stitches are looking like?  Hope they aren’t infected. I wonder if he’ll send some pics so I can be sure he’s following proper after-care protocol at home.  We ARE concerned. We DO have sympathy. In fact, we BELIEVE YOU BRIAN, we don’t need proof that you actually did undergo that brain surgery.

Talk about a no win situation.  Here’s the opposite that makes me no happier:

Vaguebooking. In short, it’s the passive-aggressive way to get your shots in at someone while making every other reader wonder “Is she talking about me” or at the very least “Who is she so mad at?”  OR the ever popular  “Worst Day Ever” or “Why Me?” posts. You OBVIOUSLY want to talk about it, or you wouldn’t have posted anything about it.  Need some sympathy or attention?  Much more likely to get it by asking directly for it. (*Shameless upcoming blog post alert!)

And another thing.  If YOU are the one who is getting sucked in and posting in the comments “Oh no, Sara, what happened?”  I’m not a fan of yours, either.  PICK UP THE PHONE. CALL SARA. ASK HER IF SHE’S OKAY. DOES SHE NEED SOMETHING? And then, encourage her to take down that pathetic post before she loses any more self-respect. Or followers.

FAKE pictures.  Thanks a lot to the jerks (no, I will NOT take it back) who post the doctored up pictures of horrifying images.  I am still haunted by a photo of what happened to one woman’s breast after being infested with larvae. Can’t ever see this LOTUS pod plant again without my gag reflex kicking in.


And just last week my adorable aunt was sharing a photo about a poor dog who was blind and needed help.  Her adorable granddaughter let her know “Grandma, that dog has a piece of ham on his face.”


SHAME ON YOU FB fake picture posters for DUPING us in this way.  And I feeled compelled to note that my sweet Aunt was not the only one to fall for it, as evidenced by the 56,047 likes, 111,174 shares and 753 comments. SMH.

What I love on FB:

I’m still on the fence about food pics. To date, I can make a case both ways, so I’ll be sure and keep you posted when I make up my mind.  I’m sure you’re dying to know. But here’s what I know I love for sure:

Exciting news with the fam. Pictures of your travels. (I actually DO want to see your vacation slide show.)  Birthdays. MusicJimmy Fallon and the Roots featuring popular artists playing classroom instruments AND James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke. Love every single one of them. Funny videos. (Funny in my book is people falling off piers, or stretchers as luck might have it), Internet sensations like Kalen Reacts. Batdad. Celeste Barber reenacting supermodel pics is always a good time.  3 year old Mila Staufer’s rants crack me up.  As does “Fuckin’ Chucky” and well, anything when children are being naughtyAnd I love a good inspirational quote.

Keep those coming, I am entertained.

So, let’s clean it up SpaceLook Fans.

More of what I love, less of what I don’t.  I spend far too much time there to have to weed through the aforementioned unpleasantries.  Please and thank you.

You Heard the Lady,



It’s Not My PIN #, So Don’t Even Try

I was born on 7-6-67

Always a super easy birthday to remember, and I’ll bet some numerologists would say there is something magical and mystical about having been born under those stars. I should like to agree.  At times hard. And other times, very hard.  But mostly magical and mystical. And great.

Hard to imagine 51 years have gone by.
There is truth to the body thing.  Take care of it (and your skin!)

There is truth to the savings thing. Start early, you’ll be glad you did!

There is truth to the take time to enjoy it ‘cuz it goes so fast thing. The kids grow faster than you can imagine, and the things you’ve always wanted to do start to pile up.

If we are lucky, we all get to experience it, in our own, unique ways.

So today – my 51st birthday (how lucky for you it fell on a blogging Friday!) – here’s a quick look at what’s happened in the last 5 decades.

Before I turned 10:

I don’t remember much. Other than 1976 Bicentennial was a big deal. And I had bad hair. I loved my lemon SKIP IT ankle toy. And playing softball.

skip it



Fun childhood, with lots of experiences. Learned manners, got smacked, didn’t dare say another word once I got “the look.” Was a good girl, then mostly good. Okay, kinda good. Became a Mom to a funny, precocious little boy “Mickey” (officially, Michael Philip, since my dad aptly pointed out that “there is no St. Mickey!”) the day after I turned 19. Even at the time, I knew I was lucky to have all of the help and support that I did, but today I realize it even more. Even though it was a big struggle, it seems almost easy considering I have absolutely no idea how I would have done it alone.

 baby mickey


Needless to say, that’s what filled my 20s.

I have a scar on my leg from my 21st birthday. (Who doesn’t?) And scars on my heart from the growing pains of those years. But grow I did during those years.

Found the Direct Sales industry, or as I believe it to be, it found me. And probably very literally saved me.

Image may contain: Tracy Williams DeLisle, smiling

Lost a baby, had a baby. And was! Thriving in our beautiful house with our growing business and beautiful family. 


Somewhere in there comes divorce. Back to working for The Man.  Loss of independence, self-confidence, and pride. Alienation of those closest to me without even understanding why. Searching for answers, and meaning. More growing pains, to be sure.


Writers note: There were still PLENTY of wonderful good times in 31-40 to be sure.  Far too many to be counted, in fact. This is just a summary, afterall.


Enough is enough. Finding myself and redefining my path. Back to working for myself. Happy. Free. Loved and in love. Laughter. Saying yes, and enjoying the journey. Saying no, and enjoying the journey.

Image may contain: 7 people, including Tracy Williams DeLisle, Rion Williams, Tammy Hebda Kurth and Timothy Patrick De Lisle, people smiling, outdoor, water and nature

And today starts the 51-60 chapter.  Tune in on 7-6-2028 for my next decade update.

You Heard the Lady,