What IS a Spectrum, Anyway?

I have two autistic “bonus” sons. 18 and 17 with vastly different personalities, “isms” and challenges (But then again, so do all 5 of our children in some respect…) Which brings me to my point:

Aren’t we all at least a little bit “on the spectrum?”

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If you were to check out some of the (many) signs of autism spectrum disorder, you’d find three which I know for a fact show up for many of the people I know. (Myself, included!)

1) Upsets Easily

Gets upset by minor changes.

Anything ever make you nearly lose your shit when it doesn’t go as planned? You can’t find something? Something feels out of your control?

Me? All the time.

2) Obsessive

Shows obsessive interest with certain things.

Like finding a replacement for your favorite Johnny Was cover-up that went missing on the boat last weekend.
I have spoken of little else since, much to the annoyance of my family. And friends.  I am on a stalking mission on eBay, Poshmark and the like. I WILL NOT rest until I find another.

Funny, it’s considered a compliment when you call it laser- focus or persistence. But tip the scales ever so slightly from persistent to obsessive, and probably not considered such a positive anymore.

3) Unusual Reactions to Things

Unusual reactions to the way things sound, smell, taste, look, or feel.

My niece, Lilac (cousin to Jasmine, what a coincidence) has such a reaction when we mention SALMON for dinner.

I am having a reaction now at the thought of EVER having to eat an oyster. (My friend Lisa tells me I have the palate of a two year old – but that is another blog post altogether!)

Ever see a video of a baby eating a lemon? Hate the sound of nails on the chalkboard? Can’t wear a wool sweater? I know you see where I am going with this.

Let me be clear: I’m NOT making light or poking fun. Obviously, this hits very close to home for us, and I/we take it very seriously.

It was a after a near meltdown during a theatre performance in London that I had an A-HA moment.

What was THAT all about?

Why in the world did I get so worked up?

Maybe I’m on the spectrum!

Here’s what happened:

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A group of us went to see Mama Mia and the entire evening spiraled out of control.
We were late getting there because not everyone could make it to the bus on time. (NOT COOL. Just sayin’)

We were then seated in front of a row of special needs adults.  I found myself concerned with how people would react to them, should there be any outbursts. Which, not surprisingly, there were.

But suffice it to say, that group was much more well behaved than the bachelorette party – an unruly group, at best.

Come to think of it, outbursts and all, they may or may not have been better behaved than some in the group I was with.  Gulp.  Did I mention we are all grown women, who SHOULD know how to act in the theatre?  (We had several who decided it was okay to TALK (and not even in a whisper) through THE ENTIRE PRODUCTION.)

Security came to SHUSH them several times, to no avail.

But that became the least of security’s issues when the ENTIRE Bachelorette party got REMOVED – ALL WHILST screaming and yelling.  (At one point, the poor actor from stage addressed the crowd:  “There sure is a lot of talking out there!”)  I kid you not.

Picture it: Musical! Outburst! Talking! Security! Talking! Music! Security! Music! Music! Talking! Screaming! Outburst! Talking! Security…

I was desperately trying to find an out, as I WAS LOSING IT. That out never came. The swearing came. The tears came. And later – my friend Embarrassment came.

When my friend and roommate asked “WHY ARE YOU CRYING?” I honestly had no idea. I had just had enough.

(Sorry Angier and Susannah! Thank you Diane, Nanner and Lisa!)

Lying in my hotel bed that night, as I was over-thinking the evening, I came to the realization that I absolutely loved the show, love my friends, my company, and we had an amazing (and exciting!) night out at the London Theatre. I came up with two words that seemed to explain my meltdown:  sensory overload.

I didn’t know where to look. What to concentrate on. I felt my heart rate increasing, and the complete loss of any rational thought.  And suddenly, I felt a pang of guilt for any time I wasn’t as gracious I could have been with Payton or Kiernan when they seemed to be having a hard time with some external events.

The guys came into my life at 10 and 11, and I have come to learn so much about them, and from them. And even when I’m across the pond, in the theatre I’m still learning things like this:  Perhaps we ALL fall somewhere on the spectrum. And what is a spectrum anyway?  Rays of light, colors and radiant energies that overlap and ultimately blend into each other to become something beautiful. And meaningful.

I just think it might be one more way that we are all just a wee bit more connected – and alike – than we might care to admit.

Now, if we can just get Payton to chew with his mouth closed, we’d be all set. I really have an issue with that sound…

 

You Heard the Lady,

XX

 

 

 

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Adventure is Out There!

I was once at a workshop – quite coincidentally I might add – with best-selling author and motivational speaker Jon Gordon (the Energy Bus). In this small and intimate chat (I would guess there were about 20 of us) Jon asked us to share what movie would be a good representation of our life?

The question felt hard at first, but once it came to me, I was 100% certain.  My movie is UP.

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This Disney Pixar creation from 2009 has long been my favorite movie, and I always thought it was because it was cute, funny, touching … inspirational.  However, when thinking of it in terms of the story of my life, it became clear there was so much more there.

For those of you that haven’t seen it – WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? Just kidding … I will try not to spoil it.  But for the love of God, see this movie. You will not be disappointed.

So, what was it about this movie that spoke to me so personally, and so much so that I would identify with it as parallel to my own story?  With just a few minutes to share it with the rest of the attendees in our workshop, I shared this:  My life – so far – has been an adventure. And while it certainly has NOT gone the way I expected, and has taken many twists and turns, it has been a rewarding path filled with love, laughter, good friends, and yes – adventure! 

What makes this movie so touching though is the yin and yang of adventure and MISadventure, sadness and joy, innocence and evil, expectation and disappointment, love and loss, surprise and delight.

Meet the “cast”:

Carl & Ellie – childhood compadres. Who fall in love, and build a life.

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Tear Jerker Alert:  The opening sequence is P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L!

Carl over time grows into Mr. Frederickson – a curmudgeon, who is angry with the way things turned out. And not having any of it.

Carl meets Russell – an innocent, big-hearted boy, who won’t take no for an answer.

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By the way, in our home we have have made up a term that we use on the regular:

Russelling

<Russ-ell-ing>

VERB

The act of a person who has entered into a complaining rant.

“I’m hungry. I’m tired. My feet hurt.  You’re mean.”

For the record, it is usually ME who is russelling. I find it quite amusing. And fun.

 

They meet Dug, the dog (Come on! This is brilliant!)

An adorable, and oh-so-loyal pup with an acute case of A.D.D.  “Squirrel!”

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Tear Jerker Alert:  Carl has been disappointed and frustrated with their “simple life” and all that they never accomplished.  Until he learns that his Ellie saw their “simple life” as her adventure.

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Such begins a new adventure, where the gang meets Kevin (who they later learn is a girl), and learn that someone they’ve looked up to and idolized, wasn’t at all who they thought. That happens sometimes, doesn’t it? Sigh.

Someone you never actually see, but deserves great kudos in my opinion, is Michael Giacchino, who wrote the score.  I love this theme song MARRIED LIFE so much that it is actually my ringtone.  Have a listen below at what he did with this – he keeps the same melody, with a twist:  You’ll hear it UP and peppy when on adventures and slow and melancholy during the sad moments.

Listen &/or watch the video here:

So, yep, that pretty much sums it UP. I’ve taken a zig-zagged path, found love in places I didn’t expect, laughed, loved, cried, lost, and still I am loving this adventure, and continuing UP. (With my band of compadres who make it all worthwhile!)

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In the words of our lovely Ellie: “Thanks for the adventure – now go have a new one!”

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You Heard the Lady,
XX

p.s. What movie would you say defines YOUR life?

 

Old Dog. New Trick.

These last two weeks, I went back to school. In a sense.

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I actually took a 40 hour certification class for some volunteer work I’ll be doing, and so not technically “back in school.”  Nonetheless, I came away with a rememberance of what it was like to be in school, an appreciation for students and teachers everywhere, and these TOP 5 THINGS I LEARNED BEING BACK IN THE CLASSROOM.

  1.  Learning is exhausting. While the topics were fascinating, and the instructors did a great job of mixing it up and keeping it engaging, I left each of my 5 full days feeling like I was run over by a Mack Truck.  (Hey! That’s some good advertising Mack Trucks…really, if a Ford truck ran me over, it might likely feel the same, but we always say “Mack Truck” don’t we?) Anyway, every day I left there at 6pm feeling great, and by 7, I felt anything BUT great.   Emotionally wrecked. Drained. Mentally Fatigued. Just plain tired.tired
  2.  People are Annoying.  So much so, that evidently the “3 Limit Rule” is a thing.  Meaning – as per our handbook – “Everyone’s perspectives are important and can greatly enhance our understanding.  In order to give as many people a chance to speak as possible, please observe the three limit rule. If you have spoken three times, please give others a chance to speak before speaking again.”  Trust me when I tell you, whilst in the handbook, and discussed out loud, certain people do not care.Raise hand every time the instructor takes a breath. Insert personal antecdote or “What If” question.  To calm my nerves on day TWO, I decided to keep track via tick marks how many times one particular student disregarded that ground rule. Evidently for her, we needed a 37 Limit Rule.  img_1066Now here’s where it gets really fun!  Another student decided that she wanted more air time as well, and she started a competition of comments. It was awesome! (read: it was NOT awesome).   There were however two students that come to mind that I don’t think uttered a word during the entire course. How painful that must have been.  Interesting observation: I felt myself holding back some of my questions and comments, for fear of becoming viewed like “that girl!”  You’re welcome, class.
  3.  You Might Be Doing Something for a Great Reason, and Still be Pissing People Off. (People are Annoying, Part 2)  When I came into class Day 2, I chose not to sit in the same spot, so I moved to a new seat.  I wanted to get to know more people in my class, change things up a bit, and have a different view.  Of course, me moving seats, created a domino effect, and others had to change theirs, in turn.  Day 3 when I came in, and went to choose yet another seat, I could literally SENSE the angst in the room. Wait! Hold Up! Did I just upset everyone by changing my seat?  Turns out YES. Yes, I did.  The (young) girl next to me told me that in one of her college courses, they taught them that the seat you sit in for your first class is the seat you should sit in for the entire course. Evidently it helps you to retain information, and aids in the learning process. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! I had no idea.  Nor did I realize until that moment that I was the annoying personimg_1065Now, hereinlies the problem. I can’t go back to my Day 1 seat – that would make people have to move again.  I can’t go to a new seat burdened with this new enlightenment – that would just be me running amuck.  So I did what any any rule-following citizen would do. I sat in the same seat for the rest of the days. And I was annoyed about it.  HOWEVER – because I had to be just a bit more annoying to my classmates – I came in after lunch one day and asked “Hey! Who took my parking spot?!”  CRACKED MYSELF UP.  Come to think of it, I don’t think anyone else laughed. hillarious
  4. Ice Breakers Don’t Really Break the Ice. I don’t think we all became closer learning what super power we would choose (hard one! Either flight OR to be able to eat anything I want without consequences!)  or whether Peanut Butter or Jelly would win in a fight? (Peanut Butter. ALL THE WAY!)  During one session we were asked to share a “prevention program” that we experienced when we were younger. When I was in high school, we did have a unit where we had to carry a “baby” around and care for it, keep it from harm, yadda yadda…But back in the day, we didn’t have the actual dolls that they have now, we used an egg. Decorated, named and toted around with us everywhere.  The purpose of course was to disuade us from becoming mothers at too young an age. Because of course, the seriousness of that was illustrated perfectly by carrying around an egg.  (Spoiler Alert: She did, in fact become a mother at too young an age.)  I digress.  Anyway,  mine was decked out in zebra stripe, and I aptly named him “Eggie Van Halen.”  img_1070-1The class seemed to enjoy learning that tidbit about me, and I’m sure they did finally gift me with some giggles, but I’m fairly certain it didn’t win me any points. I was afterall, still the one who ruined everything by switching up the seats.
  5. You Certainly Can Teach an Old Dog New Tricks.   I made it through the course. Exhausted. Annoyed. Annoying. A little smarter. With a big fat binder full of notes and a shiny new certificate.  And I’d do it all again!  (I just need a few weeks to recuperate, first.) Oh, and can I personally vet my classmates ahead of time?img_1069

You Heard the Lady,
XX

“Earworm” Warning: I dare you to read this and not leave with a song stuck in your head.

I love music. There are a few exceptions:
I decidedly do not love death metal, drawn out screaming guitar solos, and the never changing background beat in almost all jazz songs. Other than that, bring me your classic rock, oldies, soft rock, soundtracks, R & B, disco, dance, classical, country and rap. You read that right.  In fact, you won’t be the first person to be surprised at my love of certain Fifty Cent songs.

There are so many memories, emotions and thoughts that are triggered by a few notes and chords, and I thought it would be fun to run through a few of those here.

First, there are those songs that make you think of someone you love:

Danny’s Song by Kenny Loggins, & Forever Young by Rod Stewart always make me think of my son.

You & I Both by Jason Mraz – makes me think of Jasmine, because of the time we were belting it out at the top of our lungs and I accidentally rear ended someone. Not cool.

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Thinking Out Loud, makes me think of Ed Sheeran. Just joking, it was our wedding song, so it makes me think of my Hubs.

Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves. That and anything by the Cars makes me think of my sister. And shenanigans.

Oh, Canada and Moon River, are favorites of my dad.  But there is also a random “Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, Cuz I’m Kissing You Goodbye” that he swears is a real song, but I’m really not so sure.

And there is that Amy Grant Christmas album I loved so much that I gifted to Gramma Girl.  When I commented how much I loved it, she offered to give it to me. To this day, she swears she was being nice, and wanted to share it with me if I liked it so much, and I swear she just didn’t like it, and was happy to gift it away.  I crack myself up!

Our son Payton is largely nonverbal, yet stick around long enough and you’ll hear him singing what is unmistakably something by JourneyRubber Ducky and Frosty the Snowman make regular appearances, as well.

Then there is of course the one that makes you cry: The Best Day by Taylor Swift.  Thanks to a CD Jasmine once made me for my birthday, this one gets me every time.

I suspect we all have a song (or songs) that when we hear them we can remember exactly where we were and what was happening:

My godmother comes to mind, dancing around the house to Oh What a Night by the Four Seasons. I can also remember as a young adult hearing that song, remembering her dancing, and having a grown up realization that I was at that moment the age she probably was when she was dancing with an adoring audience.

How about those songs that make you think of someone or something RANDOM?

I remember the yoga class I was in when I heard the song Today by Joshua Radin for the first time. RANDOM!Corpse pose. Physical and emotional release. Was it the music? Was it the yoga?

And I’ll never not think of Nicholas, the CEO of our company, when I hear Fernando by Abba. OR my (much younger) friend Mary who swears she’s never even heard that song before! (How is that even possible?!?)

Which brings me to another thing – what is it about music attached to a picture slide show/video? I become defenseless – and I don’t even have to know anyone in the photos. I’m just done as soon as the montage starts.

Can’t stay off the dance floor when this one comes on:  

Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke and the aforementioned Fifty Cent – I mean In Da Club, COME ON! (Which I may or may not be enjoying right now.)

Need a sudden dose of bravado, or swagger?  Just turn on Superstition by Stevie Wonder. Strut it, baby.

Turn it up. Every Time:

Unfold by Jason Mraz and AC/DC Back in Black

Can we talk about WRONG LYRICS?

A few categories here:  You were wrong, and had no idea you were wrong:
The Middle by Jimmy Eat World is a favorite in our family.  Mostly because the littles used to sing “elder to elder” instead of “everything everything” … “will be alright alright!”

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Olivia Newton John & John Travolta You’re the One That I Want.  In the chorus “You’re the one that I want” they (evidently) immediately follow it with “You are the one I want…”  I could SWEAR they were saying “You’re the one that I want/give all my love for” and it wasn’t until I heard someone sing it  correctly that my mind was blown.CE8425CA-1C87-4F0F-9350-466224A9F0DF

And who doesn’t love Rock Lovester, by the B52s?  I know one guy who does, but he’ll accuse me of picking on him if I call him out here. #nameless

How can you sing the right lyrics when you have no idea WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE EVEN SAYING:

Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann – Just exactly what the hell ARE they saying, AND WHAT THE HELL DOES ANY OF IT MEAN?

And then this song by Lee Michaels in 1971 Do You Know What I Mean:

Been forty days since I don’t know when
I just saw her with my best friend
Do you know what I mean?
Lord, do you know what I mean?

I just saw her yesterday
I just saw her, learn how to stay
Do you know what I mean?
Lord, do you know what I mean?
As a matter of fact sir, I do not know what you mean. I have absolutely no idea what you mean.

“Weird Al” Yankovic gets a break, well, because he does it ON PURPOSE!  Like a Sturgeon, Eat It and I Lost on Jeopardy are classics.

What song will you admit to singing wrong ON PURPOSE? I am ashamed to admit that I cannot hear Hey Jude without filling in the memory from my childhood Hey Jude, I saw you nude, don’t try to fake it, I saw you naked…” (It is problematic that my husband accuses me of having the sense of humor of a 12 year old, and I can see it very clearly as I am sharing this…)

And I can’t recall a dance or wedding in recent history where Mony Mony didn’t evoke the ever popular “Hey/hey what/get laid get …” Yeah, that one’s really fun.

But the one that gets me the most?

Freebird.
I just can’t.

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For the love of God, WHY do people feel the need to yell this out any time a live band is playing? Like, really dude, how original.
I much prefer “We need more cowbell!”

 

Name that artist! 

My sister and I have a 30+ year battle going on with this one. Anytime a song comes on – ANYTIME – it is a race to name the artist. We find it hillarious and have gotten others to get in on the game with us. We have also been known to annoy people with this game (did I mention it is ANYTIME a song comes on? Read: The rule is “We are always playing!)   

Now a recent tweet sensation claimed that whatever song was #1 on the charts on your 14th birthday, is the song that defines your life.

July 6, 1981 according to the Billboard Hot 100 (Admit it, you just heard the jingle for “Casey’s Coast to Coast!”) the number one song – therefore defining my life – on my 14th birthday was none other than:  Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes.

Well then. I HATE that song. Always have. Why does that have to be my anthem?

Ok, I may be precocious, and as evidenced by last week’s blog, I’ll even admit to a bit of ferocious (when hungry). I am however pretty sure all the boys don’t think I’m a spy…

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LOOK at this list: Jesse’s Girl by Rick Springfield, or The One That You Love by Air Supply I loved BOTH of those songs when I was 14! … I would have even liked it if it pointed to Stars on 45 (Yes, that one I like. A medley. Upbeat and I have a fun memory of being with that same aunt in her red convertible hearing that song. That could be the theme of my life.) But NO, I get to have Betty Fricken Davis Eyes because my birthday fell in a time when Kim Carnes was on top of the charts. Sigh. (At this moment, you may be seeing the significance of my “Random Musings of a Classic Over-thinker” blog subtitle.)

Speaking of CLASSIC:

Being a big fan of Led Zeppelin, when my babies were babies, I taught them that whenever I would ask “who sings this?” they would know to reply “Led Zeppelin!”  It was a super fun party trick, and gained us popularity from coast to coast. As I think of it today, I should have upped my parenting game and put wagers on them. How did I miss that?

 

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My hair in both of those photos = also classic. Now, let’s get on with it.

Okay, last topic:  The albums I WORE OUT from overplay? (I say “album” loosely as I know for a fact at least one of these was an 8-track. I bet my friend Mary doesn’t even know what that is!)

It was probably about that same time that my life’s path was allegedly being formed with Kim Carnes, because Genesis ABACAB and Kenny Loggins’ Keep The Fire come to mind.  Billy Joel’s The Stranger, for sure. In later years, I loved my James Taylor Greatest Hits, and in my country phase Kathy Mattea and Winona were on constant replay.  More recently, in the advent of iTunes, iPods, Pandora and Sirius radio, there aren’t really CDs or albums that get all of my attention. I get to experience the genre or the mood I’m feeling in that moment, without having to skip over the lesser favorite songs on a whole album.  BRILLIANT!  I’ve certainly done a number on that birthday CD from Jasmine, too.

In a nutshell, even though I don’t play an instrument, and I’m fairly certain no one enjoys my singing, or dancing, music was, is and will continue to be so important in my life. I’ll bet you could all say the same.

You Heard the Lady,
XX

p.s. Let me know in the comments some of YOUR music memories!  AND if you now have an earworm, what is it??

Boating by Numbers

In honor of the DeLisle Clan official Summer kickoff, I bring you…

BOATING BY NUMBERS.

Number of boats that have been named after me in this lifetime:

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Days that the boat was in storage, and Tim (err, I have to start calling him the Captain, again) had been sulking: Approximately 217

Number of Pirate flags we have already been through: 2

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Days we spent on the water during this past 3 day weekend: 3

The number of smiles I’ve seen on this man’s face since: I lost count.img_0953-1

Hours on the water this past weekend: 15

Number of people who got boat time over the three days: 9

Those who got seasick: 0

Days over 90 degrees: 3

Days with a NO WAKE restriction, which made it hella HOT just cruising around/no breeze: 1

Bottles, cans & tubes of sunscreen used: at least 4

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Those who got sunburn anyway: at least 4

Tubers: 3

Autistic teenagers tubing and loving it: 1

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Autistic teenagers who took forever to get in the tube then only to change their mind and create a dramatic water and boat reentry: 1

Thrown from the tube after giving the “yawn signal” to the Captain: 1

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Floaters/swimmers: 6

Cocktails: it would just be rude to count that, or snacks.

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Shoes lost – do NOT ask: 1 (p.s. he never liked those shoes, anyway!)

Lost beach towels – I have NO IDEA how: 1 (and of course it couldn’t be one of the several crappy beach towels we have, it has to be one of our nice, new “swanky” beach towels.) Harrumph.

Lost ball caps: ZERO! This, my friends, is a modern miracle with this crew.

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People who fell overboard: 1 (Or as I like to remember it, was thrown overboard by the rogue waves and miraculously survived a near death experience, all while NOT losing her sunglasses!) And NO ALCOHOL WAS INVOLVED IN THAT INCIDENT, just for the record.

Bottles of water consumed: Correction – there were CASES.

Bags of ice. 8, I think.

Number of coolers: 3, easy.

Gallons of gas used:  37.5

Hitchhikers (is that what you call someone who needs a lift from the bar to the dock, via boat?) picked up: 2

Dollars I just learned we’ll be saving on our insurance each year because of my shiny new Boat Safety Certification: 16

Times I may or may not have asked Tim (err, the Captain) to slow down or turn the music down: only a few.

Times that made me realize I might be getting old: more than a few.

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Laughs & Memories – too many to count.

So, I guess after a full weekend of overindulgences, summer is officially here.

TURN IT UP!

 

You Heard the Lady,

xx

Is That a Packet of Nuts in Your Pocket, or Am I Really That Scary?

The word “hangry” is not in the dictionary. I know, because as one who suffers from this affliction, I am somewhat surprised that we now have a name for what used to be known as “low blood sugar.”

(Author’s note: Before anyone else decides to chime in here, I already realize that those around me during an unfortunate hangry episode would argue that they are, in fact, the ones who suffer.)

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As an example: Tim first experienced this when we were dating only a few short months. I remember telling my daughter, who was 17 at the time, “Well, Tim got to see hungry Tracy this weekend” her response was a palm to the forehead and exasperated “OH NO! Is he still with us?”

(Author’s note two: To be clear, she was not asking if I killed him, merely if he had decided I was not in fact as adorable as he once thought. He was – thank heavens – still with us.)

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For those of you who have maybe only heard of this phenomenon, but have not experienced it first hand, let me try to explain.  (By the way, in trying to explain it to a colleague once, she compassionately replied “I used to get like that too.  WHEN I was TWELVE!”) Sigh. So here’s a glimpse:

I spend a lot of time in conversation. It’s what I do for a living. And as you might have noticed in my very first post, I suppose it’s just a part of who I am.  I may not even realize that I’m hungry, or that perhaps it might be time to eat, but when I start to hear a steady stream of “ummmmms” coming out of my mouth, and I can’t seem to string a sentence together properly, I realize it’s the onset. DEFCON 1.

If I’m alone, I’ll grab something to nibble on. No problem. Crisis averted.

It’s when I’m with others that this can become a problem. Why, you ask? Well, when I’m with others, it’s not as simple as grabbing a bite.  It might require a conversation, some preparation, some altered plans.  All of which takes time. Precious time, I might add, as the clock begins ticking at that first “ummmmm.”
I try to issue a simple request (read: WARNING) “We should probably make our way to some food, soon.” (read: WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE?)

IF for some reason, there is nothing close at hand, we experience a delay or have not gotten some type of food in the pie hole before we reach DEFCON 5, well, it simply is.not.pretty.

Cranky. Check!

Harsh. Check!

Nasty. Check!

Enraged for no apparent reason. Check and Check!

Head spinning around 360 degrees. Well it hasn’t happened yet, but I fear it came close a time or two.

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Then comes the most ironic piece of this puzzle:  Once the peak has been reached, absolutely NOTHING looks good. At the very moment where all I need is ANYTHING to eat. NOTHING at all will do. (I’m sorry, honey!)

(Author’s note three:  Those who know me are fully aware of the process.  When I’m with a new group, that doesn’t include one of my inner circle, I try to plan ahead – preparing myself and them for any unforeseen close calls.)  In fact, I once had a boss who carried packets of nuts into meetings. Not for her. For me. Sigh again…

So, I get some food. Maybe it’s a full meal, maybe it’s just a snack, but I’ve regulated the spike, and I’m as happy as a clam, back to my sweet self, and am forced to face the wake of destruction I may have just left in my path. (I’m SO sorry, honey!)

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Which brings us to another word that is not in the dictionary:  HANXIETY

Let me define it for you:

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Yep, that’s also a thing.

Perhaps it explains the lovely soap dispenser my sister bought me.

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(I’m sorry, sister!)

One more thing I recently learned. It just might be hereditary.
In chatting with Jasmine’s boyfriend last weekend (as a reminder, that’s my daughter’s code name in my blogs – don’t tell her I told you) we were teasing her about something, and he said “She gets like that sometimes when she’s hungry.” GULP.

(I’m sorry, Jasmine. And David.)

Happy Memorial Day Weekend, everyone! I hope yours is filled with fun, relaxation, family, friends … and food!

You Heard the Lady,
X

I’d Rather Be Single.

To be clear, this rant has absolutely nothing to do with the argument I may or may not have had with my husband last night.

Rather, it’s in response to a post I saw recently:

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The only logical response? You guessed it:  I’d rather be single.

When I found myself back in the glamorous world of dating in my 40’s, I constructed a “list” of qualities that I was hoping to find in my potential connection. (Trust me, it’s a thing).

I’m sure if we polled women in the same boat to compare their lists, we’d probably find some commonalities:

He IS: honest, faithful, smart, funny, handsome, successful …

He Is NOT: a cheater, a liar, a deadbeat, a crook …

From there, more personal preferences start to show up:  nice eyes, tall, non-smoker, is the lead singer in a band – wait, wait, I digress.

I quickly realized that there was one thing that was a non-negotiable for me.
I looked for it, I saw PLENTY of it, and I spoke openly about it:

My future Mister would most certainly know the difference between your/you’re, to/too, there/their and the like.

(I’ve tried to forgive the misstep in cases like “YOUR SO PRETTY”,  but as much I love a compliment, it appears that I have an extremely low tolerance.)

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Don’t get me wrong – although I am a self-proclaimed word nerd, and my eyes do seem to naturally catch misspellings and grammar goofs, I AM NO EXPERT. In fact, I shudder to put this – and future blogs – out there for critique by those much smarter and more educated than me. (Or should that read: “than I am?”)

I know it seems harsh, to have “proper use of these frequently misspelled words” as a non-negotiable living right next to “no abuse or bank robbing allowed”, but there it is folks.

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And, don’t get me started on the gross misuse of LOL.

UGH.

LOL – It’s supposed to mean “laugh out loud”, correct? Yet, I see this used constantly in places where the person would not/should not be truly LAUGHING OUT LOUD.  For example, “I think you sent that package to the wrong address. LOL.” “I’m off to a ballgame  LOL.”  “I can’t seem to get moving today. LOL”

Are you with me people? NONE of these examples should literally have the person LAUGHING OUT LOUD!

Wouldn’t it make more sense to use just the smiley face emoji (pick one: a wink, a red cheeked smile), or if you want to get crazy pick a cute bitmoji or a GIF.

For the love of God people, please just stop with the LOL.

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What if we decided to make up a new internet slang: TMMS

(as in, THIS MAKES ME SMILE!)

Is that in fact how it happens? One small group starts using a sub-language and before you know it people all over the world are TMMS-ing?  I’m loving this idea. Who wants to join me in a social experiment to see if we can get some of these willy-nilly LOL-users to adopt our more appropriate response?

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Now, for those of you who are wondering, contrary to the title of this blog post, I wouldn’t literally rather be single. In fact, I’m very happy to NOT be single.

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I did find a man who had many of the things I was looking for.  And thankfully, many more. Mostly, he is kind hearted and loved by all. He is big. And strong. Humble and sensitive. He is an amazing father to all of our children. And yes, he properly uses your and you’re, their and there, too and to, and the like.  So, we’re all good.  TMMS.

You Heard the Lady.