I’m Not Crying, YOU’RE Crying!

I guess I never asked my parents, if I cried a lot as a baby. I should do that, it might help me get to the bottom of why the hell I cry so much as an adult.

Cute movie. You can probably SEE me crying.

Sad movie. You can probably HEAR me crying.

Someone wins the Big Game. Good Job! (I’m crying.)

Someone loses the Big Game. The Worked So Hard! (Still crying.)

I’m proud. I want to tell people this ALL THE TIME. Only I can’t get it out right, because … I’m crying.

I’m hurt. Physically – Try not to, but, it’s inevitable. Crybaby Central.

Emotionally – yep, how could you? The Ugly Cry.

Frustrated. Check.

Overwhelmed. There Might be Tears.

When I’m moved. (Not physically, as in, dragged across the room “moved”, but when I’m touched, when you’ve surprised me, or really gone to lengths to do something special) – Alligator Tears. (What does that even mean, anyway? I mean I know it means BIG tears, but why? Where does that saying even come from?)

Laughing.  Well…  Let’s just say I can’t play Cards Against Humanity With Joey anymore.

Wedding or funeral. Done. And why, pray tell, do I just never think ahead enough to bring a Kleenex? (Or toilet paper, for those of you who religiously follow my blog…) World Emoji Day: 15 popular emojis ranked from worst to ...

I’ve even cried when I was hungry.  Shocking, I know.

But here’s the kicker:

I especially cry when I’m mad, which really gets me, because it is usually then that I want to express myself clearly and directly. Emphatically and well, profoundly.  And then it just happens.  The thing of it is that then my adversaries might mistake it for weakness, or sadness, when really I’m just straight up PISSED.  Cue up the number of times I’ve lost it in a business setting, even though I knew I shouldn’t. Actually, please don’t cue that up. I try to keep those repressed, because just thinking about it makes me – ah, never mind.

Now, I consider myself to be a strong woman. I think others do as well. So, it’s not like I’m blubbering my life away, and can’t function because I’m too busy crying.  I once read an article that said those who cry a lot are actually more intelligent. (Kidding – I just totally made that up.)

ALL THE FEELS = I’m crying.

Want to know when I don’t cry? When I spill milk. Then, I just swear. Which is even more attractive, I know.

So here is my “HOW NOT TO CRY” Tip. I read that if you take a sip of water when you are about to cry it suppresses that, and it’s impossible to cry.  LOVE IT! GREAT! SO SMART!  Then why is it that I NEVER HAVE A WATER BOTTLE HANDY when I need one?? So in actuality, my tip only works when you are PREPARED for it, as in actually expecting that you are entering a situation that just might make you cry.

Which come to think of it, is the point of this entire blog post.  If everything makes me cry, then shouldn’t I always have a water bottle handy – just in case?!?


Someone grab me a water bottle or I’ll give you something to cry about! Yes, that feels about right.

You Heard the Lady,



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