I’d Rather Be Single.

To be clear, this rant has absolutely nothing to do with the argument I may or may not have had with my husband last night.

Rather, it’s in response to a post I saw recently:

The only logical response? You guessed it:  I’d rather be single.

When I found myself back in the glamorous world of dating in my 40’s, I constructed a “list” of qualities that I was hoping to find in my potential connection. (Trust me, it’s a thing).

I’m sure if we polled women in the same boat to compare their lists, we’d probably find some commonalities:

He IS: honest, faithful, smart, funny, handsome, successful …

He Is NOT: a cheater, a liar, a deadbeat, a crook …

From there, more personal preferences start to show up:  nice eyes, tall, non-smoker, is the lead singer in a band – wait, wait, I digress.

I quickly realized that there was one thing that was a non-negotiable for me.
I looked for it, I saw PLENTY of it, and I spoke openly about it:

My future Mister would most certainly know the difference between your/you’re, to/too, there/their and the like.

(I’ve tried to forgive the misstep in cases like “YOUR SO PRETTY”,  but as much I love a compliment, it appears that I have an extremely low tolerance.)

Don’t get me wrong – although I am a self-proclaimed word nerd, and my eyes do seem to naturally catch misspellings and grammar goofs, I AM NO EXPERT. In fact, I shudder to put this – and future blogs – out there for critique by those much smarter and more educated than me. (Or should that read: “than I am?”)

I know it seems harsh, to have “proper use of these frequently misspelled words” as a non-negotiable living right next to “no abuse or bank robbing allowed”, but there it is folks.

And, don’t get me started on the gross misuse of LOL.

UGH.

LOL – It’s supposed to mean “laugh out loud”, correct? Yet, I see this used constantly in places where the person would not/should not be truly LAUGHING OUT LOUD.  For example, “I think you sent that package to the wrong address. LOL.” “I’m off to a ballgame  LOL.”  “I can’t seem to get moving today. LOL”

Are you with me people? NONE of these examples should literally have the person LAUGHING OUT LOUD!

Wouldn’t it make more sense to use just the smiley face emoji (pick one: a wink, a red cheeked smile), or if you want to get crazy pick a cute bitmoji or a GIF.

For the love of God people, please just stop with the LOL.

What if we decided to make up a new internet slang: TMMS

(as in, THIS MAKES ME SMILE!)

Is that in fact how it happens? One small group starts using a sub-language and before you know it people all over the world are TMMS-ing?  I’m loving this idea. Who wants to join me in a social experiment to see if we can get some of these willy-nilly LOL-users to adopt our more appropriate response?

Now, for those of you who are wondering, contrary to the title of this blog post, I wouldn’t literally rather be single. In fact, I’m very happy to NOT be single.

I did find a man who had many of the things I was looking for.  And thankfully, many more. Mostly, he is kind hearted and loved by all. He is big. And strong. Humble and sensitive. He is an amazing father to all of our children. And yes, he properly uses your and you’re, their and there, too and to, and the like.  So, we’re all good.  TMMS.

You Heard the Lady.